The Language Teacher
01 - 2003
Language Teacher as Language Learner:
Identity Loss and Other Issues
Shelley A. Spencer
Tokyo Jogakkan College
Research by language teachers in roles as language learners is more limited than it should be. In Japan, English teachers commonly take Japanese lessons, providing a valuable learning context to reflect upon and informing their teaching. In this article, I wish to reflect, not on my Japanese studies, but on an intensive German course I took in Germany during the summer vacation, and to relate particularly the inner struggles I felt as a student.
After studying German in high school and college, I let my skills lapse, until in mid-2001 I decided to revive them through a daily radio course. As a false beginner, vocabulary acquisition was rapid, but grammar proved problematic. This prompted me to enroll in a 30-day intensive course, in Germany. After a placement test and interview, I was assigned to the high intermediate class. Although not intending to focus on teaching practices, my attention was drawn to practices that many a teacher might readily subscribe to, but as a student I felt deprived of my personal rights and power. Thus the experience gave me insights into the inner world of the student, and highlighted the merits of the language teacher gaining experience as a language learner.
Loss of Identity
In my role as student, I was surprised to find that a number of issues arose to distract me from the learning process. Foremost on my mind was a seeming loss of identity: My personal history with a lifetime of experiences virtually ceased to exist. As a student, I felt cast in an inferior role, with all rights and power assumed by the teacher. As a learner, my expressive ability was rather superficial, and not of the depth I preferred as a mature person. As an older student, I was perhaps more subdued than the younger, more gregarious students, resulting in some initial misconceptions of character and ability by both classmates and teacher. The feeling of loss of identity was compounded by the difficulty in communicating a more complimentary personal picture, mainly through lack of a deeper linguistic ability.
Specific events that caused feelings of discomfort and loss of power were the teacher's persistent confiscation of dictionaries, accompanied by expressions of disapproval, as well as emotive facial and verbal responses to deficient answers or questions. As a teacher, it is admittedly difficult to conceal one's frustrations at times, but to be on the receiving end of these frustrations revealed to me the loss of dignity and "crushed" feelings sustained. Norton (in Churchill, 2002) also views identity as "a site of struggle" and explains why: "[E]very time language learners speak, they are not only exchanging information with their interlocutors--they are also constantly organizing and reorganizing a sense of who they are and how they relate to the social world" (p. 3). Because of my superficial L2 ability, I wasn't yet able to contribute to conversations quickly at opportune moments, or to express myself with the depth of thought I felt as an adult, thus impeding my relations with the world around me. Teachers automatically command a degree of respect because of their position and their knowledge, but thrust into the role of student, I found it difficult to assert myself as I was used to doing. Beebe (2002) also explores the struggle for identity formation, citing a case study of a multilingual man: "Individuals who want to change how others identify them struggle for the right to speak so that they may demonstrate their competencies and qualifications..." (p. 17). The identity issue itself became a powerful motivator for me to learn the language, and to do so quickly.
In Germany, a breakthrough came when the teacher set a homework task of writing an essay on a person or thing that was important to us. At first we groaned, but later commented that it was a relief to be able to express ourselves more personally and deeply, thus conveying a better image of who we were through writing. When the teacher handed back our corrected papers, he also added personal comments, and so a deeper mutual appreciation developed.
This teacher created many other interesting ways for students to establish their identities, for example through dinners with the class, cooking parties, bicycle trips, hikes, sports matches, and class plays. He constantly expressed surprise at student revelations and talents. A young man he often berated in class for immature behaviour once sat down at the grand piano in a restaurant and gave an impromptu recital of serious classical works--from memory. An awkward Asian teenager was discovered to be a French horn prodigy, studying music at a conservatory. A polite, reserved young man turned out to be an aggressive soccer player. We, in turn, discovered some hidden talents of our teacher, who was also a soccer player, a long-distance cyclist, an accomplished pastry cook, and a fluent Spanish speaker. Gradually, respect levels among students and teacher rose, and we began to relate to each other better as fellow human beings.
These experiences highlighted for me the difference between a focus on teaching and a focus on learning. I also wondered about my own Japanese students as fellow human beings, and in what ways I could improve issues of identity, relationships, and power for them.
Class Cohesion
In my intensive summer course, primarily due to the teacher's efforts to create learning events outside the classroom, class cohesion and rapport grew in a short space of time. The feeling was quite different from other classes where students remained remote from each other and the teacher. Possibly it helped us learn better, but it certainly made time spent in the classroom more enjoyable for all, particularly the hard-working teacher. Senior (1994) studied the factors that prompted teachers to remark that they had a "good" class, and found that a key variable was the teachers' understanding of group dynamics and efforts to develop and maintain class cohesion.
Grammar and Learning Styles
Despite the current emphasis on the communicative approach in teaching, I found myself, as a student, yearning for more emphasis on grammar. After all, it was my inability to comprehend grammar that had prompted me to enroll in a formal course in the first place. However, the communicative approach calls on all grammar structures, and as the foundations weren't there for me, I couldn't effectively participate. My grammatical inaccuracies sometimes caused my opinions to be misconstrued. Also, the same few students tended to contribute to class discussions, but I found little advantage in hearing them blunder and struggle again and again with the language, all the while longing to hear native speakers speaking instead. In small group discussions, when the teacher wasn't always available for guidance, our frustrations grew, and we often resorted to our L1 to explain our point. Too many grammatical questions seemed to arise for the students (or teacher) to know where to focus. I found myself often thinking: "I'll make a note of that structure and study it myself in a grammar book later." However, I never found a sufficient grammar book, with enough examples in various contexts. I needed a more structured approach, with input from a teacher. To his credit, our German teacher did note some of our common grammatical errors, and offered them as warm-up exercises or lesson filler.
Ur (1996) acknowledges the role of grammar as "controversial," but believes in the formal teaching of rules:
The important question is not whether teaching and learning grammar is necessary and/or sufficient for language learning, but whether it helps or not. And my own opinion is that yes, it does help, provided it is taught consistently as a means to improving mastery of the language, not as an end in itself. (p. 77; emphasis in original)
I felt that I would learn more by studying authentic dialogues, with a focus on particular grammar structures, expressions or vocabulary, than by listening to the inaccurate dialogues of classmates. I discovered that reading was my preferred learning style, and I felt that I learnt more language in 15 minutes of reading than in 15 minutes of conversation work. Admittedly, to actually produce the language was far more difficult than I had anticipated, but I found myself wanting to spend class time building vocabulary and knowledge of the language in a structured way and listening to the teacher, with less emphasis on communicative practice. There was ample opportunity outside of class to engage in communicative practice, as students communicated through the L2, lapsing into L1 only for unknown words.
Teacher Talk Time
There has been a trend to reduce teacher talk time. However, in my summer class, I wanted to hear the teacher talk. It helped increase my vocabulary and understanding of usage in a variety of contexts, and improved my listening comprehension as well as pronunciation. It also taught me the rhythm and flow of the language, revealed how people of this culture expressed themselves, how they related to other people, and showed me something of their mannerisms. For me, more teacher talk was an invaluable part of the learning process.
Correcting Students
Being corrected mid-speech when trying to express an opinion became an unexpected source of frustration for me. I appreciated help finding appropriate words, but the continual corrections interfered with my flow of thinking and my goal of communicating. A focus on accuracy had its place in grammatical segments and drills, but in communicative exercises, where deeper levels of discussion were possible, error correction was an unwelcome distraction that interfered with the development of thought and the tone and depth of discourse. Where the objective is communication and self-expression, I would now as a teacher recommend ignoring mistakes, taking note, and addressing problems as a separate learning exercise. McPherson (1994) made a study of learners' responses to error correction, examining reactions to both the techniques used and the frequency of correction. She found that each learner had different preferences and concluded that teachers should take the time to discuss the matter with each student. She concluded her findings with: "From the teacher's perspective, involvement in such dialogue can lead to a clearer understanding of the needs and preferences of individual learners, so that appropriate responses to error may be given" (p. 51). From my experience, it seems that there are times when correction is best avoided, to allow the student opportunity to simply communicate.
Homework Considerations
As an adult student, I approached homework from the standpoint of time expended versus returns gained. If there was insufficient value for my time, I didn't do it. (I fought with myself long and hard over this rebellious act!) I had my own study agenda: reviewing the day's lessons, reading up on a grammar point, checking new vocabulary, attempting the newspaper, and relaxing with my graded reader. This was my first experience with graded readers as a learner, yet the other students said they were afraid of them. I chose books with only a few new words maximum per page, and preferred those including conversations. I often exclaimed: "Oh, so that's how that word's used!"
The homework assignments I enjoyed the most were the personal essays, because I could experiment with words and grammar structures, express myself deeply or humorously, and most importantly, get feedback on my specific language problems. It was exhausting work, requiring a dictionary, grammar book, and word usage book. From this experience, I resolved to give greater consideration to the quantity and quality of homework I set my own students.
Dictionary Use in the Classroom
Many teachers forbid dictionaries, but I became firmly attached to my bilingual pocket dictionary. I enjoyed noting every new word, as well as the context it was used in, and immediately checking the dictionary. As a student, I wasn't happy trying to understand "from gist." During lulls in the lesson, I would dive into my dictionary to resume my new word checking. Unfortunately, the teacher disapproved of my practice, and frequently confiscated my book, issuing a warning to the class. In an attempt to assert my rights and learning preference, I persisted in using my dictionary, even as the teacher persisted in confiscating it. (Other students resorted to secretly using theirs under their desks!) There were a number of students similarly fascinated with checking words, particularly as the teacher was uttering them, because that gave us valuable contextual information. Checking gave us reassurance, showed various usages of the word, and helped us retain the word. Checking didn't take long--far less time than the teacher trying to explain its meaning in L2.
Use of L1 in the Classroom
The use of L1 in the classroom is often discouraged in English classes in Japan, but as a student, I found that being able to briefly seek verification in L1 with a fellow L1 speaker aided my learning, and enabled me to maintain focus on the lesson. Denying me this opportunity seemed to remove my options as a learner, instead putting the emphasis on teaching. Burden (2001) did a survey of Japanese college students' opinions on the use of L1 in the classroom. Seventy-three percent of students felt Japanese should be used in the classroom, mainly to help students understand a difficult point and as a means of relaxing them. Beebe (2002) also recommends the use of L1 at times in the classroom, defending her position with: "If learners initially do not understand, they get to know less and less, and motivation decreases" (p. 8). I now believe that if a lapse into L1 helps students to understand something quickly and enables them to refocus on the lesson, it should be encouraged.
Attitude Toward Games and Activities
In Japan, there is a lot of pressure on teachers to make lessons "fun" and to be entertainers. As a motivated adult student, my focus was on maximum language development. My enjoyment was derived from learning. I came to regard "fun" activities as a poor use of my time and money. Ur (1996) condemns the use of games in language classes: "Once you call a language-learning activity a game you convey the message that it is just fun, not to be taken too seriously: a message I consider anti-educational and potentially demoralizing" (p. 289). She sees the relationship between teachers and adult learners as essentially a "seller-buyer" one, with the teacher selling knowledge of language and the student looking for value for money. Indeed, I was conscious of the money I had invested in this course, and I wanted maximum returns for my investment. In this light, many "communicative" style activities often didn't represent good value for the time and money invested. Pair activities which I did enjoy were the problem-solving word or grammar activities. Regarding pair work, if my partner had a similar perspective and approach, the time together was enjoyable; if not, it was uncomfortable. Group work wasn't often as collaborative as intended, since the most assertive person often influenced group responses.
Conclusion
In my role as student, I was surprised to experience some views contrary to my long-held beliefs as a teacher, and contrary to some commonly held theories and practices. Of significance were my interest in grammar, my fascination with words and the dictionary, my attitude toward homework and games, and the value of graded readers. McDonough (2002), a language teacher reflecting on her own language learning experience, similarly found an attachment to her dictionary and a need to understand every word. She also was eager for more grammar and more teacher talk time, and didn't enjoy pairwork. Her investigation of other studies (p. 406) uncovered similar discrepancies with theory, including a dislike for communication tasks.
McDonough and I also shared a belief in the significance of affective issues such as identity loss, and the importance of opportunities in and out of the classroom for students to reestablish their own identities. McDonough surmised that
teachers' pedagogic choices...are powerfully conditioned by prevailing trends and fashions which take on a life of their own, so that even where needs and preferences are attended to, they are filtered through a methodology which may disallow more out-of-fashion learner choices. (p. 409)
Finally, through the experience of "Language teacher as language learner," I gained an awareness of how teachers can encroach upon the rights, freedoms, preferences and needs of their learners as individuals, due to the influence of prevailing educational theories. I saw how I often rationalized my powerful teacher's perspective and distanced myself from students. Language teachers who reflect upon their own experiences as language learners are able to compare their beliefs as teacher with their beliefs as students, challenging theories and using their insights to inform their teaching.
References
Beebe, J. D. (2002). Unfinished business: Identity formation and rejection through language learning. The Language Teacher, 26(6): 17-21.
Burden, P. (2001). When do native English speaking teachers and Japanese college students disagree about the use of Japanese in the English conversation classroom? The Language Teacher, 25(4): 5-9.
Churchill, E. (2002). Interview with Bonny Norton. The Language Teacher, 26(6): 3-5.
McDonough, J. (2002). The teacher as language learner: Worlds of difference? ELT Journal, 56(4): 404-11.
McPherson, K. (1994). Researching error correction: Seeking the learner's perspective. In J. Burton (Ed.), Perspectives on the classroom. Adelaide: CALUSA.
Senior, R. (1994). An investigation into the nature of good language classes. In J. Burton (Ed.), Perspectives on the classroom. Adelaide: CALUSA.
Ur, P. (1996). A course in language teaching. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.
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